How To Make a Shitty Bed for Your Ungrateful Dog

This all started back when we had a bad thunderstorm and Lola decided that she would seek shelter in my closet. It was the middle of the night and she was making quite the racket because it turns out it's kind of hard for 150 pounds of dog to get comfortable in a closet. I eventually gave in and threw a blanket on the ground in there for her so she would hopefully settle down. She liked it and ended up wanting to hang out in there all the time, so I needed something a bit more permanent than my big winter comforter, cause it's going to get cold again eventually and I'll have to take it back.

Lola laying "in" my closet on my comforter.

Supplies:

• The cheapest memory foam mattress topper (Full Size) that you can find at Wal-Mart
• An old twin size flat sheet
• Your sewing machine and thread

Instructions (follow these exactly or you bed will not turn out very shitty):

• Fold the memory foam in half the short way (hamburger way, not hot dog way)
• Haphazardly cut along the crease

Cut it very carefully

• Take your twin bed sheet and fold it around the two mattress halves (stacked on top of one another)
• Haphazardly mark along the two sides of the sheet where you need to hem it, leave one end open like a pillow case for easy cleaning.
• Spend no less than 30 minutes figuring out how to use your sewing machine, even though you have used your sewing machine several times before.

Screw you, bobbin.

•  Sew a somewhat straight line kinda close to where you marked the lines you were supposed to sew on, and then haphazardly cut off the excess fabric.

Basically just be real fucking haphazard about everything.

• Shove the two pieces of memory foam into your pillow case
• Watch your dog enjoy this comfy bed you created just for them!

Aww, she loves it!

She's enjoying a treat on her new bed!

• Watch your dog destroy this comfy bed you created just for them.

Lola, what are you doing?!

Lola, noooo!

Lola, STOP!!!

Total cost: $35 + the cost of all the bleach I'm going to have to use washing this thing because only a moron would make a dog bed out of a white sheet.